Through the Eyes of a Cyniik

Thoughts before bed.

Mon, 09 Jul 2007 18:36:47 GMT

I hate rolling around before I fall asleep. Lately, it's been taking forever. Glancing at the clock, I'd say that most people are asleep by now, perhaps a few might be waking up, getting ready for work. I can see the sky getting lighter, and I can hear the birds chirping their early, early morning (Or maybe, late, late night.) songs. I'm sprawled out on my bed, half wrapped up in my blankets, half naked skin touching the cool air. I can never get comfortable enough.

My mind wanders, it always does. My thoughts are entangled with a mix of 'What if's' and 'I should have's' among some other things. I shift around again and now I'm laying on my stomach. The still very dim light is creeping through my blinds and making a striped pattern on my wall. Light, dark, light, dark, light, dark.

Why don't I talk to anyone anymore? Why don't I want to talk to anyone anymore? It's moments like standing by the phone, staring at the caller I.D. and just letting it ring and ring until the answering machine gets it that let me know, I'm pretty anti-social. I don't know why. It wasn't always like that. I remember a time when I'd always be dieing to go somewhere and do something. Now I don't even want to get out of bed to go to the bathroom. I'd rather sleep. Not that I can.

The air conditioning turns off, and that's about the time I notice the silence. I'm staring at the wall, eyes dead set on nothing.

Sun, 10 Jun 2007 03:43:04 GMT

fhkgckcghkghkcgyhkcghlk,h,lcgfhkcgk

Marijuana marijuana marijuana

I confirmed something tonight.

Sun, 18 Mar 2007 02:57:00 GMT

I'm a fucking masochist. It fucking sucks, but, that's why I like it. Physical and mental pain.

Thu, 22 Feb 2007 01:02:49 GMT

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The West Your accent is the lowest common denominator of American speech. Unless you're a SoCal surfer, no one thinks you have an accent. And really, you may not even be from the West at all, you could easily be from Florida or one of those big Southern cities like Dallas or Atlanta.
The Midland
Boston
North Central
Philadelphia
The Northeast
The South
The Inland North
What American accent do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Arts,

Mon, 19 Feb 2007 01:10:08 GMT

The first thing here is my hourly comic day thing. Which I didn't acctually get around to scanning untill today.

Basically I drew a comic for every hour that I was awake that day.

Right, so now ere are just some things I will probly never finish because they suck.

Anita with a ginourmus guess what.

4channers scare the crap out of me sometimes. lol /b/

Science is gay.

Vive la cafe'. If only I could speak french.

That would be me hugging antwon, whom you can't really see.

Java telling you to stfu

I find it ironic that

Sun, 17 Dec 2006 15:32:38 GMT

I'm posting on another Sunday, and mostdefinately, about how boring it is. But this is Sunday morning and the boredom hasen't set in all the way yet. Perhaps I'll just make another post at the end of the day and compare.

Alright, so I'm about 250 pages into House of Leaves and let me tell you, this is a crazy book. It has a very very odd textural layout, but that's not even the half of it. There really isn't much of a way I could tell you about it. Because I'm not even done, and therefore I cannot be making any assumptions (Never make any assumptions about this book.)

Go read it fuckers!

Also, I thought this was funny.

Sundays are all the same.

Sun, 03 Dec 2006 21:48:06 GMT

Every single one of them. If my life completely consisted of Sundays, my life would be very boring. Everybody wants to do something, and no one will. Seems like...sitting at this computer, compulsively checking my myspace is all I can do.
:/

So interim reports come out tomarrow

Thu, 16 Nov 2006 02:47:37 GMT

And I defiantely and going to be....killed. Gah, I did so good in the beggining. I am FAILZ. >:[ CASSIE, for the love of god, get your grades up and together. Failing is not cool, failing is for failures.

Wow

Mon, 30 Oct 2006 01:43:29 GMT

THE RULES:
List twenty things you want to say to twenty different people.
Don't say who they pertain to.
Feel free to coment, but don't confirm or answer anything.
Never discuss it again.

1. I feel like we're growing way too far apart. Sometimes I feel like you shouldn't be basing everything you do on the fact that you have a boyfriend now. Just spend some time doing things you used to do, because I miss you. I deinately don't want to lose you but I am no match for my compitition.

2. I'm glad we're friends, but I think I may have gotten a bad reputation because of it. A lot of people are just, mean. And at the same time, I really feel that you should be less concerned with the fact that you have a boyfriend, but I can understand it. I also wish I could see you more.

3. You've been one of my best friends since I can remember, but I can't help but worry that you are still saying mean things about me behind my back. We used to do that shit all the time to each other, and now I've realized how stupid it is, I'm just worried you haven't, because from what I hear, you haven't. Things seem friendly enough, but I'd like to loose this insecurity.

4. We have a really weird past, and I'd appriciate it if you didn't touch me so much. You're a great friend and all, but I don't feel that way about you, and I'm not that comfortable with you to just not care about it. I know that you're not hinting oat a relationship, or flirting, but it still freaks me out because we're just friends. Also, please don't tell me so many personal things about you, because I don't feel enititled to know them.

5. You're a really cool guy. It sucks that I don't see you more. Also, on a more negitive note, please don't get too attatched to her. It's not that I don't trust her, I reallly do, she is great and wonderful. But things change, and I don't want you to get hurt, I also don't want you two to be so concerned with eachother that you don't talk to me anymore.

6. You are a fucking snitch beyond all else. I really wish I had less of a heart, so that I could be mad at you, but I see you so much it's not worth it. Please, fucking quit ratting me out on shit and get a new hobby. You are completely and entirely immature, and half of the shit you say, sounds like it came from a second graders mouth. You're not witty or intellegent, you're a smartass.

7. Half of the time I feel bad, because you seem so lonely, and half of the time I'm pissed because you get annoying and you talk way too much shit. I really don't know what to think, but to just avoid you. It's easyer that way.

8. We've been through a shit load together, and now we've grown apart. I hear about you saying shit completely unreasonable about me behind my back and it pisses me off.

9. You buy me a lot of stuff, but you can't buy my love. You're completely hypocritical and a bible pusher, please, die, or lose your faith in your religion so you won't be so discriminative. I wonder what you'd do if you found out IM HOMOSEXUAL. Probly disown me.

10. You're so beautiful. You are gorgous and cute. Every little thing you say makes me smile, my school day is basically about seeing you. And I'm pretty sure you have no clue, I only hope I can play it cool enough to make you feel the same. Also, I don't want to hurt him to be with you but I can't help it.

11. I really hope you end up wanting to be my friend. I hope we get really close because you are just way too cool. I wish I could be more like you, you are inspiring and beautiful.

12. Your maturity is beautiful, the way you see things so clearly and truthfully is great. I've never really met anyone your age that is so mature. I take everything you say into heart and I wish we were as great of friends as we used to be back in the day.

13. You are a great person, who i respect and adore. I never take anything you do for granted, I appriciate every little last thing. I wish I had the courage and motivation to do half as much for you as you do for me. Sometimes it worries me about how old you're getting, you seem confused a lot of the time; I'd be divistated if I lost you so please, stay.

14. You are completely disgusting. I can't belive I once desired your approval. I can't belive I was once intimidated by you. I hope you get what you deserve, because no one deserves what you did to some one else.

15. You are my muse, my idol, everything I want to become, and everything that inspires me.

16. You disgust me. The thought of you sends a shiver up my spine, and plants a gross taste in my mouth. If I ever had to touch you again, I'd vomit. I really hope I never have to say another word to you.

17. I'm going to miss you so much. You honestly have no idea of how strong and great you are. If everyone in the world was like you, there would be no problems, only paradise. You niceness, and innocence are so inspirational, it could bring me to tears to imagine how kind hearted you are after all you've been through. I hope that one day I have your great strength and beautiful heart.

18. Thank you for making me wake up from nieveness. But I hate you. You're a bigot and a shovenistic pic.

19. I really want you to know that I never used you. I only wanted to be your friend and it worries me that you might think otherwise. I miss you and think about you a lot even thought we don't talk that often anymore.

20. At one point we were pretty close, and that melted away. In a sence I miss you, even though I'm pretty sure we see each other every day. I hope you still think i'm as cool as you did before, cause I think you're awesome.

Thu, 26 Oct 2006 01:34:04 GMT

Last weekend = Stoned

This weekend = Operation get stoned

Next next weekend = operation experiment with new drugs.

Please, tell me all that you know about dirty weed (Weed laced with cocaine), and LSD.

My dilema.

Mon, 02 Oct 2006 00:46:36 GMT

My parents are to me, as Great Britan was to America.

Last night was my boston tea party, bitch.

Two and a half years till my revolution.

Mh, supose I didn't write this here. What would happen? I'd feel the need to tell people at school. And all that annoying shit. So I'll put it here.

I guess this one starts on friday.

School, blah. Can't remember what happened.

Then at like 8:00pm I got an IM from Danny, Jason, and Lea, asking me to go to the bowling alley. So I did. Don't remember what happened there but at 12:00ish we all walked back to my place and thats basically where my story gets bad.

We were all chilling in my room and I guess Danny and Jason opened my window and popped the screen out incase they needed to jump out? Dunno why? But yeah, after a little while my mom made them go to sleep in the other room while Lea and I slept in my room. I fell asleep first, and aparently my mom came in my room at one point and saw Lea standing by the window and told her to go to bed.

So the next day we wake up and uh, I don't remember. Apparently at some point some one decided it would be funny to spraypaint PENIS on my wall, with a nice visual refrence. Eventually, at like 3:00 Lea and Jason left so it was just Danny and I chilling in my room when all of a sudden Ricky busts in my door screaming at the top of his lungs and chases Danny out then yells at me like a fucking insane person.

So I stayed in my room for a long time, but eventually I got really effing hungry so I got some Ice Cream, then I noticed my parents were watching this movie of a book I read so I wanted to see it. I sat down on the couch and at some point stopped eating my ice cream. My mom told me to put it down, then from there we got in a fight and I ended up just fucking leaving.

I walked to the show at crane and chilled with people for a while untill it started getting dark when my parents finally started looking for me. Man I was hungry and I had to pee really bad, plus I didn't have my glasses. But anyways. I was hiding inside this slide when I smell something GOOD.

Some people were smoking mary jane at the other end. So I buy some from them and then haul ass cause someone is telling me my parents called the cops. So I jet out of crane to this apartment complex nextdoor. I gave Jason the weed while Nat, Lea, and I hid behind this dumpster. Me and Nat were talking and Zakk comes and he's like Man just go home blah blah. Nope.Apparently Vince and Ashley told my parents where I was and Ashley went on to say what a bad influence my friends were. Not cool.

A bit after that I see Danny and Jason an they're like "Jump the fence Ricky and Benfeild are coming" So, I fucking jump this 8 foot tall fence and land on Jason. I get up and Danny, Jason, Lea, Natalie and I are hauling ass down this narrow strip of grass for fucking ever. We get to this parking lot and Nat goes back to crane.

So Danny, jason, Lea and I go into the neigborhood and find this house thats under construction. We chill in there after harassing this doll of the virgin mary, who Danny swore was "a ghost, man." We chilled there for everrrrr, and eventually Danny and Jason went back to find out the time. Me and lea chilled and waited till they came back with Nat and Zakk. Zakk insisted on talking at the top of his fucking lungs. Anyways eventually we left the house and went back through the neigborhood to the parking lott. I decide to go home, so I call my house and inform them abruptly of that. Then, Danny, Jason, and I walk back to my house.

When I get inside Ricky is asleep on the couch snoring his lungs out. I go pee, get some water and go in my room. I was laying in bed when I hear mom mom come out of her room. "I thought you said Cassie was coming home Ricky!" Blah, they fight for a little bit then go back to sleep while I debate weather to make my presence known or not. When I decided to let myself be known, me and my mom got in a fight. A small one, then I went back to sleep.

Next day I wake up and everyone is gone, thank fucking god. I got the house to myself. Blah blah.

Okay I'm done.

Thu, 07 Sep 2006 11:46:56 GMT

Ironicly, I was grounded the very next day for skipping. And then I lost my internet for two weeks. But my mom finally re-connected it today and I guess I'm off grounding today or tomarrow so things will be back to normal.

OMG

Thu, 24 Aug 2006 03:50:55 GMT

AHHHA AHHHA AAAAHHHHH OH MY GOD.

I just almost freaking had a heart attack like 90 freaking times! AHHHHH UBJHVVJHCJHCVAHHH!!!!

...

So this story begins today, after I got home from school. I was sitting on the computer, unaware of the risky future that lurked before me when all of a sudden Lea and Danny are at my doorstep. So I let them in. Lea had missed her bus from school because fat chicks were taking their sweet little time infront of my locker, so she called her mom and her mom was at the docters office getting X-Rays.
All is cool, her and Danny stay and chill till' my mom has to go out to work. Then Danny has to leave like usual when my mom goes out to work and no one is home sept' me and the kids. Of course he always just hides in the bum spot till' they're gone. So my mom left right as Lea's mom came and got her. Then I went out back and got Danny.
So we chilled and ate and watched T.v. under the covers in my mom's room in our like...gym shorts? In between we'd go outside or on the computer or eat, or I'd take care of the kids a little. A couple of my mom's friends and stuff stopped by but they stayed outside and didn't see Danny at all while they were there. Harmless fun. At about 8:30 my mom unexpectedly came home while Danny and I are in her room. She knocked on the door, and I not knowing who it was answered it.
It was about then that my heart dropped into my stomach and started having a seizure. I felt like a deer caught in the headlights and all I coud do was stare, I couldn't move for what seemed like an hour. As my mom walked in I followed behind her, she walked past her bedroom and I peered inside. Danny was no where to be seen. I stepped inside and saw him behind the door in the closet. We exchanged terrified whispers, frantically trying to make an escape plan. but my mom just wouldn't leave the visibility range for Danny to sneak out the door.
So I improvised. My mom walked in her bedroom and I was sitting on the corner of her bed, my heart was pounding out of my chest and I was lightheaded. I shook in my spot as my mom asked me
"Why do you look so stressed?" I stuttered as I replied,
"From watching the kids, and the dog shitting on the floor...I had to clean it up and give Caity a bath. Let me show you what the dog did." I led her into my room and pointed out some stale chew marks on my dresser, but she seemed unconcerned and shrugged it off. I knew she was begining to suspect that my frantic nature was not the effect of babysitting.
She left my room to sit on the living room couch and watch T.V. with her, Her bedroom door happens to be not two feet away from it. I tried making conversation, though every word I uttered was off toned and unclear. I could feel my arms shaking, and the sweat running down my forehead. I didn't know what Danny was thinking as he sat waiting in the bedroom. All I could think of was us getting caught and what punishment lay ahead of me.
"Did you do your homework?" She questioned. I nodded no and she ordered me to go do it. As I was walking away my little sister was saying to her
"Cassie's friend is in the closet! The closet!" But my mother patted her on the head and smiled almost robotically, I knew that she didn't pay attention to what the kids were saying very often. I proceeded into my room and sat on the bed. I had to think fast. So I sat in painful silence for five minutes and finally I picked up a pen from my dresser droor. I stuck it in the elstic waistband of my gym shorts and headed tward her room as if I was searching for something.
As I entered the dark space I shut the door a little behind me and looked Danny in the eye, making sure to turn my body and seem as if I was searching still. I walked into her bathroom and turned the lights on, signalling Danny to follow me in the shadow where my mom couldn't see. He raced inside and I locked the door behind us. I paused for a moment, my heart was acctually pounding so heard it hurt. A few seconds later Ricky knocked on the door and I bellowed, "I'm in here!" He asked my why I was using my mom's bathroom instead of mine. I though quick and said "I was already in here when I had to go." A crummy exuce but oh well, it worked.
Danny and I began to creak open the bathroom window, which is not much larger than a freezer door and only would open about half way. We discovered that there is a screen on the other side, which could only be opened from the outside. Danny scanned the room and found a pair of scizzors. His operation was louder than desired, so I coughed and flushed the toilet while he opened the screen, which ended up slightly broken. I turned the sink on as he crawled through the confined exit. Once he was out I handed him his shoes and we gave worried stares goodbye, as I shut the window and he replaced the screen from the outside.
I opened the bathroom door and called to my mother, "The toilet won't flush" Luckily it realy was clogged. I added in "Your blinds on your window won't shut I think I broke them by pulling the cord." I died a little inside as my mom's brow furrowed,
"Did you just sneak Danny out my bathroom window?" I couldn't fathom a belivable response and simply replied
"No, the window blinds won't shut, I was messing with them." to my amazement she simply murmered a sigh and called Ricky to fix the problem. I followed Ricky into the bathroom and he asked my why all of the Window decorations were sitting on the sink counter. I told him I was trying to fix the blinds and I didn't want to break the stuff. He nodded and fixed things then told me to leave, he had to take a shower. So I did.
I returned to my room and sat and pondered what I should do next, a few minutes later Danny knocked on my front door and told my mom he'd forgotten his stuff. He came in my room and we talked a little and said our goodbyes. Again I found myself in silence. I waited and waited then I exited my room and asked my mom to help me with my homework. She asked me for a pen so I went in my room and got one, I was till in there when my mom yelled
"The kids said Danny came back." I paused,
"Yeah just now, remember?" I could hear Carlie's voice.
"No not now before!" Caitlan joined in on her statement. But my mom didn't take notice.
I came out with pen in hand and we studied. Then we watched some T.V. The whole time I was concerned the kids would attempt to rat me out again, but they didn't. When my mom went to bed I stayed out in the living room for a while, then I got online.
I logged onto my Myspace and saw a bulletin from Danny. It read:

I'M GONNA BE MOVING WITHIN THIS MONTH BUT I DONT WHEN TO pALM bAY!!!!!!!

i'm really sorry, b/c my sister wants to move away from bad ppl supposedly but yea i have like by the end of this month or soonner but i'm not sure =[

My heart sunk again. I IMed him and we talked. He seemed very tired and sad. I told him to hide in my moms closet and we laughed. I asked him to come back tomarrow, he probly can.
So now I have eight days or less with a very close friend of mine before he moves. I know we'll lose contact after that happens...
D:

Good lord whyyy.

Tue, 22 Aug 2006 01:31:55 GMT

I am fucking albino.

Stuff by Danny

New Cellular Device

Mon, 21 Aug 2006 20:54:08 GMT

Jesus I finally have a fucking flip phone, with color. Yesss. You stare in awe now.

Call meh babeh. 271-7881

Also Danny just told me he got kicked out ofschool again. Wtf mate.

Halo partay.

Sun, 20 Aug 2006 19:25:04 GMT

For as long as I've known about the game Halo I've avoided it. I hate first poerson shooter games more than any other type of game there is. But yesterday I was invited to go to a Halo party with a big group of my friends. I probly wouldn't have shown up if it wasen't for all the persuadeing I went through.
I'd have to say I acctually enjoyed it though.

I remember waking up with Amanda at 1:05, I was asleep on the floor and she was on the bed when Ashy-B came in. Amanda left very soon after that since she was suposed to be home at 1:00. So I got up and chilled with Ashley for a little untill Danny called from Paul's house. They were comeing over. So I got in the shower really fast while Ashley sat on the couch. When I got out of the shower Paul and Danny were out on the back pourch smoking. I got dressed and ready and Vince's dad came and took all of us to Calvin's house.
When we got there the first thing I noticed was all of the food on the table. My god there was so much food. Ashy-B, Danny, paul, and I went out back. Then the boys tryed skating on Calvin's deathtrap. They failed but whatever.
We all went back in and started laying halo. We must have played ten times and paul left sometime in there. But it was awesome and alot of fun. Now I kind of want halo. So we played till' about 9:00. It was around then that Calvin's mom drove Danny, Ashy-B, Alex, and Ito the movie theater. We saw Pulse which was unbareably boreing. For the first time in my life I acctually dozed off to sleep in a movie theater. When I woke up I had this massive migrane which sucked big time. We walked out to the fountain for a little bit then my mom came and took us home. As soo as I got inside I went to bed cause I felt like I was gonna DIE.

Now I'm sitting online and being bored. I SHOULD be writing my History paper. I'll do it after I get dressed? maybe?

First new post.

Fri, 18 Aug 2006 02:58:58 GMT

I've had a pretty good week I guess. It started off kind of crappy in terms of Lea geting her ass kicked by her mom.
It was after the Ska show at the Jaycee's. Lea lost her card to call her mom, and since all their phones are turned off except her mom's boyfriends she had no means of contacting her. So she ended up staying at some persons house. Well her mom decided to go looking at her at three in the A.M. And was yelling at me, while I was half asleep in my bed asking all sorts of questions. The next day my grandma and I ended up picking her, Danny, and Jason up from the Jaycee's and dropping her off at her house. Which is about when she got punished.
Danny and Jason came back to my house with me. I don't really remember too much of what happened, but I do recall Danny trying on my dress and Jason playing the guitar all depressed-like. I think that was Sunday? So then...
(Emo Jason)

(Dress Danny)

Monday was school. Which was probly gay but you know my memory is that of a goldfish who's done to much extacy. I think Danny and jason came over. Yeahhh. They stayed for a while, then my parents left so they left for a little and came back and chilled and ate. After I had dinner I went to Amanda's house I think. Well I know I did some day this week.
Tuesday was school again, and again gay. I'm just assumeing since I can't remember. Then after school I came home and just Slept. I slept untill morning and had another gay day of school.
Well I guess the begining of Wednsday didn't suck too much because Lea, Jason, Danny and I all went across the road to the abandoned pool and stayed for Second period. We basically did nothing there. Then Lea went back to school and Jason, Danny, and I walked up to the 7-11 and got some stuff to eat and drink. We got back to school fourth period. Then the day turned homosexual. I got home and went shopping with my mom only to bump into (Guess who!) Danny, Jason, and Paul. After I ate, Paul, and Danny came over and we watched Final Destination 3, which was pretty gross. Then they left.
Today was school. Homo. After, Danny and Paul came over. We chilled and accomplished JACK SHIT. But Danny did alot of my math homework which was awesome of him. It's about 11:00 right now, first Paul left then Danny stayed for about five more minutes, it was 10:00 when he left.
(Paul is SATAN with cheesecake)

(I are crackhead)

(God says fuckyou Danny)

Tommarow I predict a homo day of school. Maybe skipping with Lea? And Jason? Dunno. Also I think it's Natalie's birthday. So probly the bowling alley.